The Long Wait is Over...and it's painful

like a knife stabbed on my chest, almost leaving me breathless for a moment. the moment of truth happened. and it's painful. i flunked the Bar exam. it was a sad day for everyone who expected me to pass. it was painful for my children and my wife also. it was also a hurting news for my mother, brothers and sisters.

it is a humbling experience indeed. and it's a learning defeat. it somehow broken myself into pieces and my dreams shattered. and from every defeat, from every failure, i have to accept it gracefully. i have to rekindle the fire in me to go back to square one. i have to be more determined and be more courageous to take it once more.

it's never easy. it's only the brave and courageous will ever do it again. and i want to be braver to take it again until i reach that ultimate goal of becoming a LAWYER.

The Agony in Waiting

time flies in a blur that i didn't notice it's the last week of February already. It seems like it was just a couple of weeks ago since i first entered the Far Eastern University campus where i took the pre-bar review. and it seems just like the other day when the last sunday of the bar exams ended in a festive mode.

i could still remember that last sunday. before i pass my last answer sheet, i say a little prayer of thanksgiving. i got teary-eyed when i realize that it's the last day of my sacrifices for the bar exam. it's not easy i should say. i give thanks to GOD who helped me through the trials and challenges during the review and the bar exams month. I felt assured that while i am away from my family, God provided my family with all the strength and their daily needs.

three months have passed and the result is not yet published. while waiting for the results, the anxiety gets more intense. the fear of failing is there. the fear that i might fail those who hope me to pass is a normal emotion. it's not easy indeed to wait for the results. but i am assured, whatever the outcome may be, it is part of God's plan for me. LORD, your will be done!!!

Chamber of Secrets? I am!!!

it's more than two years since i last posted an article here. and i kind of miss writing after i've done loads reading (or so i hope). what drives me to write again is my being the secret-keeper to some of my friends, mostly girls.

when i was on my high school years, my girl classmates would always share their secret crushes, secret boyfriends, and some problems which they found me to be their confidante. even when i was in college, some new friends did share the same thoughts, issues and secrets to me. i never complained. but what i realize, after hearing all their secrets, is the thought that not a secret did i hear that someone has a crush on me or someone liked me. i pitied myself but i keep on reminding myself not to because i consider it as a gift. it's a gift to gain one's trust. it's a gift to console someone who's in trouble by just listening and also give a piece of advice.

i never thought that after so many years of being their unpaid counselor/adviser, i still am consulted for the same topic. what differs is that some of my women friends now are already married having an affair with other married men. OUCCCCHHHH!!!! what a secret indeed.